Why Mondays Don't Matter, or What's The Point, Mr. Lying TV Watcher?

Some days I feel like becoming a pure comedian would make more sense because most of the serious stuff people try to do doesn't really matter.

In the end, we all die. And are forgotten.

Business Doesn't Matter
You could do awesome stuff for your business but one day it will go out of business. Unless it's Ford, but only Henry Ford really matters at Ford and he's dead. Everything changes. One day we won't have cars and Ford won't matter.

You Might Be Wrong About The Afterlife
And if you believe in the afterlife, well, a lot of you are probably wrong about religion, because several of the major ones completely disagree on major points. So you might end up somewhere you don't want to be. Or if you're right, well you're still dead, so what mattered of what you did when you were alive? Maybe you brought more people to Jesus, but if you did that it's only because of God's power and plan so what you did didn't really matter. If you feel Holy Spirit impelled to do that, awesome! But it's not you, it's God.

You don't really matter, in the long run.

So why are people so serious about Mondays? Why do people care so much about the next promotion or the taxes or who's elected?

Politics Doesn't Matter
Whatever freaking president is in power had to compromise so much to get there that he's controlled by all the same forces that were already in control- and even the guys with lots of money and power can't do whatever they want- they have to keep the money or make more money or make the saudis happy or whatever it is they have to do- they're not any more free than the detroit auto worker is.

Rich People Aren't Happier
And most of those guys who get money are so driven that all they enjoy is getting more money. if they drive a BMW or a maserati it's pride or it's because they are uncomfortable in anything else- they aren't extra comfortable in it- their standards are higher-

So if you are meeting your standards you're as happy as they guy with higher standards meeting his standards. and you're still going to die. so what is the point?

Laughing is fun. Laughing makes sense. Me telling you the truth makes sense.

Lying For Money Is Stupid
Me lying because some guy is paying me to lie so that I can earn the money to have an HDTV and watch TV at home (when I'm not at work doing what they guy with the money tells me to do)- that doesn't make sense.

Q: What do you do for a living?
 A: I lie and create lies and spread lies so that we can make money so I can go home and eat pie and watch TV.
Q: Really? You're still going to die. That's just stupid.
A: You're so negative!
Q: Yeah, lying isn't negative. You're so positive.
A: I've got to go. Something is on TV.
Q: Make sure you TIVO your death, you might miss it.

Oh Me of Little Faith

Reading back through my posts so far, it strikes me that God has not given me the peace he has for me. And that may be my fault. I like everything fast and stimulating. It keeps the fear away. Fears of doom, perhaps. Fear of something I can't even name. Maybe I'm just running from letting go of myself. Running with myself away from humility.

I like my Bible and Bible study fast and stimulating too. I'd like to drink Red Bull and study the Bible. Mental activity. I am impatient for the next good thing. That seems like some form of possession. Possessed by an insecure need for worldly gratification that alleviates my fear that I am imminently doomed.

What it really comes down to is whether I believe the Bible is true. Do I believe Jesus? Do I really believe in heaven? My priorities don't demonstrate that I do. My priorities say it's all up to me. I'm not sure what is blocking me from the next step in faith.

Love One Another: My Problem With Most Christians

   34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” -  John 13:34-35 (NIV)

I am really really bad at this. I'm not sure I love everyone at church more than I love other people. And generally, I've always found other Christians intimidating, as if somehow they are real Christians and I'm not. Somehow they are better at it than me, or they have more of the Holy Spirit.

It's hard for me to separate my long time feeling of being an outsider from this. Even the title of this blog reflects my sense that I am different. My cousin has been an admirable Christian- she did mission trips to Cuba, for example. She says I'm not weird. I have always felt weird and sort of enjoyed being weird.

I identified with the Breakfast Club kids. I was a Revenge of the Nerd. My favorite band was Asia, or King Crimson, or Plaid Retina - something weird. But more than that, in every group, I found a way to be different. I don't know why- I've always done it.

In AA I learned about terminal uniqueness- if you think you're different, you won't do the steps and you will die of alcoholism. I became similar enough to do them but once I did them, I felt different from the people who stayed sober and did not emphasize the steps. Always differentness, conflict, alienation, discomfort. This is why I stay home a lot.

I have a wife who is older and sick. We adopted a dog no one wanted. We have a friend who is elderly, her friends are all dying, and she was considering suicide. I am smarter than most people (IQ at least 145 or 150). I've read more books than most groups of ten people. Even in my field, I can do more than 99% of my peers. I am definitely an exception. So it is hard for me to be part of most groups. I haven't learned how to do it. It means in most groups I cannot feel heard. They don't understand me. They misunderstand me by stereotyping me. I'm a genius and I can't understand myself, so of course I'll be unhappy with their conclusions.

I've done a lot of introspection, self examination, and prayer. I am open to losing my weirdness- or is it part of God's gift in me? Unless I am struck suddenly "normal" by the Spirit, incremental change here will take years. I've become more normal by becoming good at business and in dealing with clients. I've become weirder by doing comedy and improv.

So how do I love other Christians? I go to most churches and find only one good thing- they're either good at sermons, or music, or welcoming new people, or small groups. Maybe two of those. But never all of them.

I need Christians who accept differentness, who want to know me, who want to know more about God's word, who are are open, smart, and also fundamentally true to the Word. Where do I find them? Or do I go somewhere and create that myself? I am leaning toward the latter because I haven't found that at the six or eight churches I've looked.

Psalm 42

Psalm 42[a][b]

    For the director of music. A maskil[c] of the Sons of Korah.
 1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One[d] with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

For some reason this makes me think of one of our dogs. One of our dogs, Sera, seems to have chosen me as her primary person, while Brad has chosen my wife. Sera displays incredible devotion and patience and love for me. Sometimes I think about how we treat the dogs and whether God treats us that way. It pleases me to see Sera look at me and wag her tail. I'm sure it pleases God to see me focus on him and enjoy focusing on him. Do I spend enough time focusing on God and enjoying his presence? Nope. But that's why I'm writing this. This is the best way I can think of, given who I am, to do that.

I have also learned something from our animals and I'm sure God loves this way: when someone comes to you with need or in love, that is the time to respond. When someone needs you, if you love them, you respond right then- no matter what. Obviously, if the house is literally on fire, that takes priority. But the point is that I used to think "hey it's great you love me, or I see you need something, but it's not convenient for me right now. I'll get to you later" and then I'd notice, particularly with the love, that they had less enthusiasm later when I wanted to pet them. The momentary enthusiasm of affection is a blessing, and should be enjoyed in that moment. If it doesn't feel convenient to you, remember that convenience is about your wants, and love is about giving. Sacrifice your wants and enjoy that love.

 5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
 6 My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
 8 By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.

I love this line from Oswald Chambers: "Anytime I am dejected, it is because I have satisfied a lust or been denied a lust". [If you haven't read a lot of 19th century Christian stuff or haven't delved into Bible word definitions, know that lusts in the Bible are any selfish WANTS, not just sex. I would rather call them selfish wants, but a lot of people want to debate what is selfish and what is not. These people, in my experience, have not done an unsparing introspective review of their character in the ruins created by their own extreme selfishness. In other words, their normal selfishness is still working for them and hasn't been overcome by the conviction of the Holy Spirit, which as far as I know, is up to God to initiate.]

What we want is not necessarily God's will. Christians like Chambers and George Mueller seem divided on whether we should pray for things, worldly things- they might be lusts. Sometimes we don't really know the true motivations of our hearts. "This is for them," we cry, but really it's to glorify ourselves and our ministry and we don't even realize it. I've been guilty of frustration and self-righteous speech and alienating people while in this sort of blindness.

What I know for sure is that if I keep God and Jesus and the Spirit more in mind, prayerfully considering my day as it goes, staying off long blind pursuits of lusts, then my day is better, I feel better, and I am more likely to have that prayer of gratitude to God at night, I sleep better, I wake and remember God more quickly, perhaps I even dream of godly things in the interim...

 9 I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

These days, if you talk too deeply of Christianity with non-believers, there are so many pitfalls. When you open up as you would with a brother or sister, you find them misunderstanding. They see Christian strength as weakness, and self-appraisal as self-doubt or insecurity. To use an overused word, the paradigm is so different, it's upside down. They can't really get it. Nor can they understand that God might leave us alone for a while to renew our focus on Him and our faith. They see faith as a fiction. They think we're stupid, we believe a myth, we act helpless when we could simply master the world with wordly tactics as they do.

It's hard - almost impossible- for us to choose the Matthew 5 beatitude experience when we have so many worldly strategies and tactics and systems that work to get us some measure of our lusts. Even we may find our faith lacking when we consider taking that very different, seemingly risky approach to our lives.

How do we begin? Maybe it's by making the hard choices. We stop taking on things that aren't godly. We stop doing things that aren't godly to keep things we want. We lose things in order to obey God. That's tough.

 11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

When you have a loved one who isn't well...

When you have a loved one who isn't well you still love them.

Even when they regret they can't do things for you, even when you wish they could do or be more, you love them.

You wish they could be more for themselves because you see the best in them. They are not their weakness. They are the thing you see in them tha you love. You would love to see them embody their greatest glory all the time. And when they can't, you feel for them.

You want to care for them because you chose them. Or perhaps the thing in them that you love, which you think is their essence, chose you. You were given enough love to suffer for them and suffering for them completes your love.

You believe that they deserve your sacrifice. If you can help them, you honor the greatness that you love in them.

But it is much easier to be the giver than the needy one. We think we don't deserve the love and forgiveness of our lover. We feel guilty for needing it. Our guilt and shame and fear of losing the lover keep us from accepting their love.

When we accept our own weaknesses, we can allow ourselves to be loved, and then we have peace. We have a home. Family is just the love that stays and forgives.

Americans Victorious and Generous, or Americans Fearful and Selfish?

Many of us, in our everyday lives, are lost in details, worries and stress. The last time I flew, I felt as I often do, that at 30,000 feet I sometimes have a glimpse at a bigger perspective. Here are some questions that came up for me:

• How our lives can feel more victorious? 
• How do we all live with love and strength, more often?
• How do we see what good we all share and together celebrate the certainty that we will overcome?

We cannot know when and how misfortune will attack us. But we all can agree that most of us have been blessed most of the time and that, in troubles, we have been lifted up and saved. So we should know that the goodness of God is real and our Hope will not fail.

Therefore, let us not waste any more time in fear and worry, arguments and schemes. Let us find our strengths and walk forward in them. Join with your loved ones to go forward confidently. Share your joy and hope, even with strangers. Be peaceful and patient and enjoy what God has given us.

Today is the best day we've ever had and tomorrow's glories would astound you if you could see them.

This is not a reason to congratulate ourselves. We can choose Good and Hope. We can choose the positive. We can choose to be giving. Or we can strive for ourselves only and drown and gasp in the side-effect stress of a selfish life, which is wasteful and sad because there is so much darkness left in the world to overcome. The crime and poverty and disease in some places seems like a black hole that would destroy us if we touched it. We cannot know for sure it's our destiny to fix messes that have rotted for hundreds of years. But we certainly never will change them if all we think of is our next meal, movie, or vacation.

There are two great American traditions- one is a righteous benevolence, and the other is a selfish addiction to luxury. It has been easy for us to do both, but as globalization eats away at our storehouses and slows our momentum, we can choose either to put our heads down dig in and grab for our piece, or we can stop short, shift up and start giving with faith. Some of the places we would save imply, by virtue of the consequences of their tribal xenophobic hatred, that the nuclear family against the world approach isn't enough. We're not hippies either. But with balance, we can have more than enough and improve the lives of others.

It's so easy to just go home and live in the imaginary worlds created by TV and video games and the internet while millions starve and look for a place to sleep each night and drown in alcoholism and fight against suicidal thoughts. We have so much but we can't hold onto it like gollum and his precious ring, or it destroys the best part of us. 

We have to give away our hope and well being or it leaves us.

Not Impressed By Your Little Fame

I'm in an industry with a lot of self-promoters. No small percentage of my peers are writing books, and they are very excited about it. Having already been through the book writing process and knowing what the publishing industry is like, I can say that, if your excitement is more than "I finished it! It's out there! What a great process!" then you're about to be disillusioned.

Most books sell very little, especially business books. A biz book that sells 5,000 copies is exceptional.

I will say that a lot of people who haven't written books are very impressed by those who have- and it will increase your fees for service or speaking, etc.

But you're not going to be famous because of your one book, and you're not going to reach that many people with it. Some blog posts are read by more people than most books.

So I would say- watch you ego- make sure this book thing is not about your insecurities or vain ambitions. Write a book to clarify your thinking or to be a support material for your work, even to prove to your self you can do it, but not to be famous and not to get rich, or you'll be disappointed.

Thank you Lord for your opinion of me. You see me as much more important than even I do. You value me with love, without me having to do anything. Your love matters more than any person's. You fill my heart with a joy that no worldly success or recognition could.